A new one

Ok, kids. I'm back. It's been three long years since I've posted and I just gave my new writing instructor my url and now I feel the need to make it look like I've been working. I know that no matter what, he's probably gonna rip me a new one for using the ellipses...gasp, in the wrong way!...(Hi Mr. Loewer) but I guess we'll have to duke that one out in the parking lot after class.

I'm going to start by adding my writing assignments for this class I'm taking. Not because I think any of you really care to read about forced subject matter, but because it will give me a start, a kick in the ass, a return to feeling like I've contributed to the literary pool of the internet blog scene.

Enter the first assignment: 500 words on Brit Brit

I have to say that some of the ridiculous lifestyles and absurd choices I’ve watched my friends put together would lay the tabloid headlines of Britney Spears to shame. The folks I like to spend my time with are literally obsessed with juicy, drama-filled lives and think that divorcing their husband is a better alternative to teaching him how to kiss better. It seems like Britney’s custody battle and horrendous driving record pales in comparison to the scandalous things I’ve seen my friends pull off. This all makes me wonder if we’re reading Britney’s gossip to see how bizarre her life is, or if we’re just checking in to make sure the paparazzi would find our lives to be just as news-worthy.

As I’m standing in the longest line at the grocery store, just to make sure I can flip through each and every page of mouth-watering “Britney and friends” rumors, my boyfriend gives me that look. You know, the one that says I should be reading something worthy like National Geographic instead of drooling over the fact that Branjelina is pregnant with twins. I think he’s just scared that I secretly desire the life of four-thousand dollar purses, yappy little dogs, and fake boobs. The fact is, I like my quiet little life where I can sit back and watch my friends try to mimic the worst qualities of movie stars.

I was somehow blessed with parents that had a drama rating of negative three, which means that should I want to create drama in my own life, I would have a really hard time figuring out how. That’s why I have friends who let me listen to the “Oops, I did it again” single while telling me that they messed with their birth control so they could get pregnant.

I could fill the pages of a weekly magazine with the outlandish situations that my friends put themselves in. It leads me to believe that the gossip-laden newsstands aren’t that far from what I have here in my own backyard. In my everyday life, I’d put Britney’s mental breakdown in the category of normal. I mean, if my friends can flip out enough to pop xanax like candy, then I think that we should cut Britney some slack and thank our lucky stars that the camera’s aren’t after us and our bad haircuts, bald monkeys, and baby daddies.